Rembrandt – “The Return of the Prodigal Son
Forgiveness…this is such an important area in our lives, and in our walk with Christ. As we are forgiven in Christ…so must we forgive those who trespass against us. Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
I ask the Lord continually to search my heart, to show me if there is anything in me that I need to resolve so that my prayers won’t be hindered.
I am re-reading the prayer of Jabez, praying the prayer every morning and night. I am crying out for a renewal in my own heart first before I begin asking for revival in others, in the church body and in this country.
I ask for my life to be blessed – not with material things that will just fill my life with more worldly responsibility, nor with riches that would be more weight to carry.
I ask that my life be blessed according to God’s will, in whatever way He chooses. I ask that I be blessed with love and grace and mercy.
I ask that my life be blessed in a way that would make it possible for me to reach others for His kingdom, and that I may be a blessing to others.
I ask that my territory be enlarged for His kingdom, that He will open doors for me that I could not open, or would not know to open, myself.
I am immersing myself in praise and worship songs … as I work around the house, as I walk and exercise, as I sit at my computer and write. My heart is lifting in praise to my Creator and Lord.
And yet ….
A few weeks ago, when I found a new blog, I was saddened by my heart’s response.
Reading the first article that I saw there, I was amazed at the person’s jubilant praise and worship for the Lord. There was such a stirring love and admiration in the words written there. I read and re-read the article, and the love and joy of this person just leapt off the screen.
I kept thinking that reading something like that should have filled me with the same jubilation and worship.
Instead, my heart felt cracked and bleeding, dried up and old, broken into shards by mishandling and abuse. I felt empty and abandoned. Not by God, but by life; by health and personal circumstances that have left me feeling battered and bruised.
I struggled to find even a semblance of that joy and jubilation and there was nothing but a faint echo of some long forgotten happiness. I found myself crying out, asking why I didn’t feel that way, what I was doing wrong that I did not feel so totally in love with my Lord.
I spent a couple days trying to find that joy, but instead of feeling it leap to life inside me, I felt as if it was buried under a hard crust that I could not break through.
I wondered …
Is it my pride? Is it some sin that I have long buried and do not know about? Is it Satan telling me lies and undermining my faith?
I still do not know for sure why I felt so dead inside, but I know that I do love Him that gave me life. He is the Only Person in this world that is Reliable and Trustworthy. He alone is the Sustainer of my life and the Lover of my soul.
I sit here now, filled with a soft glow of love for my Creator, my Lord and Savior; a bubbling up of praise and worship; a quiet joy and jubilation that is founded in the fact that He will love me no matter what.
I feel at peace, knowing that He is my Protection and my Strength.
And I wonder, will it always be like this, or will I slip back into that darkness and despair that covers over the love and joy with a hard crust of misery?
I am sure at some point that Satan will be sure to nudge me in that direction.
My heart’s desire will be to refuse him a stronghold to grab hold of.
© Drusilla Mott and http://drusillamott.wordpress.com, 2012
I stared out the window as the tea kettle began to steam, lost in thoughts of past tea times. It was on afternoons such as this that made the emptiness of my heart pulse with an ache born of loss and emptiness.
Many had been the days when the three of us would settle at the scarred farmhouse table with a steaming pot of tea and whatever baked goods Gramma had whipped up for our time together. Three generations of Olcott women, sharing hopes and dreams over spicy ginger snaps, dark molasses cookies or scones.
Many were the lessons learned as I sat with my mother and grandmother. Learning the proper way to brew a pot of tea, learning the lessons of being a Godly wife and mother.
I remembered the day I had first been invited to join the gathering, growing the number to the three of us. I had been just a child, secretly thrilled with the tiny cup and saucer that had been set in front of me. I had watched in awe as the cup was filled half full of steaming tea, then watched as a spoon of sugar and a liberal amount of milk had been added.
I smiled slightly as I relived the moment of that first sip, the unimaginable pleasure of being allowed to share in such an adult ritual. All these years later, no other cup of tea ever equaled the taste perfection of that first cup.
The tiny hiss of sound steadily grew until it reached an ear-piercing whistle. I reached out and turned the knob to shut off the burner. As I lifted the kettle to pour the water into the pot, tears stung the backs of my eyes, even as I smiled mistily.
When I had filled the pot and set the kettle back on the stove, I lifted the tiny ceramic lid and settled it back on the pot, closing in the scent and heat. Lifting the tray, I carried it across the large kitchen and set it on the same old table that had taken up the center of the room for generations.
Even as I settled into my customary chair across from my mother, the emptiness of Gramma’s chair pulled the tears from my eyes to run down my cheeks. Swiping my hand across my face, I swallowed and lifted the pot to fill the three cups that rested in their matching saucers.
An indrawn gasp filled the kitchen as I looked at the tiny bits of tea which swirled in the cups.
“Oh, no!”
I lifted the bags out of the pot, shaking my head at the large hole in one of them. I closed my eyes in exasperation, then looked across at my mother.
“Don’t worry about it,” she told me. “Just get the strainer.”
I did as I was bid, and poured the tea from the cups back into the pot before using the strainer to catch the tiny bits of tea leaves as I refilled the cups. As I did so, I was reminded of one of the most prominent lessons that I had learned during our afternoon tea times.
I glanced at the newcomer to the gatherings and studied the young face. Love swelled in me as I met my daughter’s eyes.
“Did I ever tell you about the time great-gramma had this happen?” I asked. When my teenage daughter shook her head in the negative, I recounted the story.
On that afternoon so long ago, the tea bag had also been ripped. When my grandmother had gone through the same process, she held up the tea strainer and pointed to the tea leaves that lay therein.
“Do you see these tea leaves?” When I had nodded, Gramma had continued. “These tea leaves are like our lives before we accept Jesus as Savior. They are the sin that fills us and contaminates our souls. But when we are saved, that sin gets strained from our lives, leaving us with a clean soul and heart, just like the tea in your cup.”
My daughter smiled as she studied the tea in her cup, then grinned. “Who would have thought that you could learn something about faith just sitting and having tea?”
* * * * *
I recently joined Pam Ford Davis’ group Tea Pot Testimony on Facebook. In one of her posts, Pam asked what one does with a cup of tea that is full of bits of tea due to a broken tea bag. As I thought about my answer, the idea for this story was born. The memory of that first cup of tea is my own, shared with my mom and Gramma when I was small.
© Drusilla Mott and http://drusillamott.wordpress.com, 2012
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