I have had the yearning to write for years; more often than not having thoughts, ideas and words floating around in my head, pushing for some way of escape.
There is a drive in me that makes me feel only half myself if I cannot sit down in front of my computer and fill that empty white space with everything the Lord gives me.
Yet it has not been easy finding the time to empty myself onto the written page.
As some of you know, my days changed drastically two years ago, leaving me precious little time for writing.
With those family obligations, a house to take care of, and an inability to even have access to my computer at times, frustration sets in quickly.
It is then that I begin to question what God’s will is for my life.
Two years ago, I believed that purpose was to change from writing to caring for those family obligations. I set aside the thoughts of blogging and shelved my novel.
But every so often, the desire to write creeps into my mind and I yearn to sit and fill that empty white space with God’s words.
And there starts my dilemma . . . .
I settle into my desk chair, impatiently waiting for the computer to boot up, and I am suddenly needed for something.
I get into the flow of words, feeling myself being carried away on God’s ideas, and the phone rings.
I am half-way through a paragraph, trying to get the idea down before I lose it, only to have to walk away from it for one reason or another.
Do you get where I am going with this?
I cannot seem to find the time to use this talent that He has given me, and it is easier to push the desire from my mind than to struggle with the upheaval thinking about it creates.
But how do I just let go of this talent?
Was I not given it to use for the furtherance of His Kingdom?
Being so unsure, wondering if I am spending my time in a way that is not His will, only adds to the frustration and anxiety.
I am afraid of spending my time doing something that is not His desire for me, and finding out too late that what I did was not what He wanted me to do.
And I cannot do both at the same time.
LESSON LEARNED –
A follower of Jesus Christ must know God’s will for their lives; otherwise we take the chance that what we accomplish may not matter to Him or have any eternal value. And the uncertainty of not knowing God’s will can lead to stress and anxiety.
I cannot say lesson learned for me personally, because this one is still a lesson in progress as I attempt to sort out how to divvy up my time; but I am praying for His peace as I take each day as it comes, minute-by-minute.
A post-script — I began writing this article last spring. I feel that God is now leading me in another direction; and is opening up my time a little more so that I will have more time to write, blog and post pictures at Highways and Byways.
We shall wait and see.
In case you missed it, here is the link to Lessons Learned 1.
© Drusilla Mott and http://drusillamott.wordpress.com, 2014