Before I began this journey of learning about prayer, yearning for a closer walk with my Jesus, I struggled to understand why I did not feel like I was getting there. There always seemed to be something blocking me from complete surrender, some kind of wall that would rise up when I began to pray for deliverance from whatever it was that was holding me back. Call it stiff-necked pride, call it hard-heartedness – whatever you want to call it; I could not seem to overcome it and get passed it. I did not want to be that way, wanted desperately to be closer with my Lord and Savior; but the more I prayed, the further away I felt.
I knew there had to be a reason, but it scared me to be reminded of Pharaoh when Moses was trying to get him to let the people of Israel go. It brought to mind how God dealt with those people as they murmured and complained against him in the wilderness.
So, I began my search to learn everything I could about prayer and absolute surrender. And God has been faithful, directing me to what I needed when I needed it.
I found a booklet at church last week titled Biblical Meditation. The writer, David Beaty, started off by telling about a friend of his that told him he felt stagnant in his spiritual growth, that he was doing things out of discipline and duty, not from delight. So the author asked the friend if he had ever done Biblical Meditation. The friend said he had heard of it, but that it sounded like something from Eastern religions and did not want to try it.
But the writer goes on to explain that Biblical Meditation is simply taking a verse or a passage from the Bible and taking it word by word, section by section, and pondering on it. This needs a completely open heart and a dependence on the Holy Spirit to work in you through the verse or passage.
So yesterday, as I was preparing to get on the treadmill, I decided to take a verse and meditate on it as I walked instead of listening to my exercise play list. I pulled a 3×5
index card from my card holder where I keep verses for memorization and notes from books I have read, and prepared to walk.
The verse I had ‘randomly’ pulled out was Psalm 55:22.
How appropriate, Right?
So, I set the card on the cup holder on the treadmill and began to walk, repeating the verse in my mind, asking the Holy Spirit to show me how to make the verse work in my life.
I closed my eyes as I walked, going over the first part of the verse, asking God to help me see the meaning of the words. Then I began feeling almost as if I was sinking into the verse. Immediately I could see myself standing there holding a small bag. There was a Man in front of me, looking at me over his shoulder. I lifted the bag to place it on His shoulders. But as I lifted it, it began to grow, getting heavier and heavier until it resembled the bag that is often seen in pictures of Santa at Christmas. As I lifted it, the Man’s knees began to bend under the weight and I hesitated, wanting to pull it back; but I could feel His encouragement for me to place it on him and leave it. His knees buckled, as Jim Caviezel’s did in The Passion when Mary came running to him and when that other woman came to him with a glass of water and tried to wipe his face. Then suddenly it was me on the ground, that heavy bag pushing me into the dirt. Hands reached down, taking mine and lifting me up. As He lifted me, I could feel His love and reassurance pour over me, reminding me that He was the one that was suppose to take care of my burdens, that He would handle them all. He lifted me to my feet and I stood, suddenly free from the weight of the burdens I had been carrying.
“Cast thy burdens upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee;
he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.”
**** The booklet, entitled Biblical Meditation is one of the Discovery Series booklets from My Daily Bread Ministries. I encourage you to go to odb.org/discovery series to see this and other booklets that are available.
© Drusilla Mott and https://drusillamott.wordpress.com 2019
Pingback: On Prayer – What Changed? | On Faith and Writing
Pingback: Led to Pray | On Faith and Writing