At an Impasse

This winter has been an odd one.

Days of bitterly cold and snow, mixed with an almost spring-like warmth. High in the 50s one day, only to drop into the teens the next. Storms that brought 2-3 feet of snow followed by warm temps and rain, with the inevitable flooding that came with those fluctuations.

Life has been quiet, not much activity here, other than the various jobs around the house and some crafts and hobbies that keep us occupied.

I have spent some time out taking pictures and posting them on my photo blog Highways and Byways; using PhotoScape for some fun alterations and learning a little bit about post-processing techniques.

But I find myself at an impasse.

When it comes to writing, my mind is a blank. When I study my Bible, I find myself trying to find a lesson, something, anything, to write about. All to no avail.

When I read a book or watch TV, I try to find my own story to tell; but the words seem to shrivel up before they even form. Usually a Hallmark movie will give me an idea for a story of my own; but even with all the Christmas movies I watched, there was nothing forthcoming.

Where before I had words and ideas crowding into my thoughts, pushing to get out, now there is just silence.

Writing used to be my comfort zone, my place where I was filled with a purpose, and a peace that told me I was doing what I was meant to do. The words used to flow, God filling me with them even as my fingers flew across the keyboard.

But, now, trying to force the words to come, the ideas to form, has only caused frustration and a slowly building resignation. And the few words that do come, are stilted, hard, uneven.

Sure signs that they are not what they should be.

Pray, you say?

I have.

Nothing changes.

And I don’t know what to do about it.


© Drusilla Mott and, 2018


As I sit here this evening, trying to put jumbled thoughts and ideas into some semblance of order, I am floundering. It seems as if a lifetime has passed since I last sat and stared at this empty white expanse.

Over the last few days, the desire to once again put words to paper has continued to grow in me, creating a need that has long been dormant.

Off and on over the years I have felt this need, as if my very being were in some way attached to the white expanse that took my thoughts so effortlessly, filling in with the essence of my life.

I stare at the white square, heart beating quickly, as I pray for just the right thing to fill it with.

A remembered lesson perhaps?

A kind deed received?

A hint of romance hidden in the day to day living of an imagined friend?

Shared minutes with beloved family that are all too soon memories to be tucked into pages of a book?

Maybe, just for now, it is enough to see this white expanse fill with thoughts of future possibilities while my heart fills with joy and contentment.

Oh how I have missed this!

How I have missed the way thoughts and words tumble through my fingertips to pour out according to the Lord’s leading!

This is my comfort zone. This is my niche.

It is like coming home.

© Drusilla Mott and, 2013