Good morning everyone!
The past few weeks have been extremely busy.
My husband turned 60 in February, and we have had to deal with paper work and things in order to get his military pension straightened out.
We had to make two trips to Syracuse to get ID cards made for access to health care and other military benefits. The second trip was because he was put into the wrong category and we were given the wrong cards on the first trip.
We made one trip to the VA Hospital to get his information updated and to make future appointments for doctor’s visits. Two of those will be coming up within three weeks.
We had to make three trips to Syracuse for doctor appointments and a worker’s comp hearing for his knee injury, and have more coming up in two weeks.
We have had emergencies in my own family and other family needs that had to be addressed. When I had a few minutes to get online, either the phone would ring or my computer would lock up and I would have to work at rebooting it. Frustration would set in and I had to walk away.
With all of this, I have become so far behind on blog writing and reading, I don’t think I will ever get caught up. I checked my emails today for the blogs I follow and have more than 750 waiting for me. I have not had time to write a new short story so am reposting an old one.
This was originally posted July 25, 2011.
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I stand at a crossroads in my life, wondering which direction I am supposed to take.
So many things have come to an end recently. So many transitions have occurred to bring me to this point; changes that demand a reaction, an adjustment in the course of my life.
One road looks safe and familiar, with easy resistance. It is well-lit and I can see it is more or less a continuation of my past, an avenue of my day-to-day living.
As I ponder that choice closer, I find myself wondering if it would be living, really living; or if it would be just existing.
There is no fear in this choice, because I have lived on this road for most of my adult life, with various side trips that all ultimately led me back to the same safe existence.
It seems to me that to just carry on from day to day, would not be living. It would be sitting in the same box, watching each day pass from my sight, safe and secure but with no real eternal value.
I turn and look in the other direction and I feel an uneasy fear begin to take hold.
This road is not lit with familiarity. It is full of twists and turns and upward climbs that hide what is ahead of me. I cannot see the outcome or where I would end up on the other side. I cannot see the potholes and stumbling blocks that litter that path.
It is definitely outside my comfort zone. It is outside the safe box from which I have watched my life go by.
I weigh my choices, knowing that I have to choose. I cannot go back, I must go forward. But to go forward, I must make the choice of which direction to go.
I pause, trying to see down that road, groping blindly for some sense of direction into the unknown.
I take my options and hold them up to the Lord, asking for His wisdom and guidance, asking for His will in this decision.
I am reminded of Paul’s letter to the Colossians and I begin to pray his prayer for myself. “Show me Your will. Fill me with knowledge and spiritual understanding so I can walk within Your will, and walk worthy of You and bring You glory. Help me to be fruitful in all that I do, to give thanks for the hope that is in me. Deliver me from the power of darkness, guide me as I step forward into the rest of my life.”
And then I see it. A tiny light coming through the darkness. It grows steadily and I feel hands reaching out to take mine; hands that still bear the scars made by nails.
As those hands grip mine, a peace and joy fill my soul and I hear Him whisper, “Follow Me. Do not lean on your own understanding.”
I want to ask questions, but He tells my heart, “Follow Me. Do not be afraid. I will be with you all the way.”
I feel the pull of those hands as he urges me to follow Him; and I step forward.
Question: Which road would you take?
© Drusilla Mott and https://drusillamott.wordpress.com, 2012