The lessons I learned through my winter of struggles have been invaluable to me, but there have lingered some questions that were still left unanswered.
Why did everything seem to fall apart all at once?
Where was my ability to deal with it all?
Things always seemed to pile up together, smothering me in anger, irritation and turmoil.
When I had three or four things go wrong in the space of five minutes, my anger and irritation leapt out in a yell of frustration that could be heard through the whole house, and possibly the neighborhood.
Now, don’t get me wrong, it was never a swear word or curse, just a loud yell that released the bottled up emotions that I was trying to hang onto.
And immediately, everything smoothed out and things began going correctly.
I found myself asking why that should be?
Why would there be so many things wrong all at once, only to have everything go right immediately upon my shout of irritation?
I began to wonder if Satan had not been sitting at my shoulder, pushing me to see how long I could hold on until I let my temper get the better of me.
Was it possible that I was giving him the battles each and every time because I could not hold onto the peace that I should have had through God’s Holy Spirit?
I began to believe it.
I was working on this article during the weeks that my Pastor was preaching on Ephesians. As he talked about our relationships with each other and with God, he pointed out that when we are indwelt with the Holy Spirit, we should have the Spirits of Joy and Thanksgiving within us at all times.
He made the comparison that our moods should not be like a thermometer that goes up and down depending on the circumstances around us; but that we should be more like a thermostat that controls our reactions to the circumstances.
As he pointed out in that sermon – The devil will move in as soon as the complaining starts.
I understood that point. I had been living it for an entire winter.
Satan will steal your joy if you let him, and all you have to do is open the door by whining and complaining about your circumstance.
When you have not given your all to the Holy Spirit, when you are not content in your life, when you start to find fault, as I was doing, Satan will rush through that door of ingratitude and pull your life apart.
LESSON LEARNED —
I was defeating myself with my temper and agitation, allowing Satan to steal the peace and joy that should have been a constant in my life because of my relationship with the Lord.
Since my Salvation as a child, I have had the Holy Spirit indwelling me. By His strength I should have been able to overcome the irritation, anger and fits of temper that marred my days and stole my joy.
I was focusing too much on my circumstances and not enough on Him, something that is a major problem for me, and always has been.
I had all of Him, but I wasn’t giving my all to Him; and so my joy was incomplete.
With God’s strength and guidance, I pray I will get better at this and conquer my misdirected focus.
© Drusilla Mott and https://drusillamott.wordpress.com, 2014