I am struggling.
I feel lost and adrift on a sea of stress and uncertainty.
I feel a heavy weight of impending doom.
I have prayed for discernment to know whether this is the Lord preparing me for something, or if it is just an over-active imagination reacting to all that is happening in this country.
So far, I am still not sure what the answer is.
I am distressed and discouraged with the fact that my efforts to boost my health and lose weight have shown no change.
My weight battle has been a life-long fight that I have lost more than won; but the real problem began in the late 80’s when I suffered three serious injuries within a ten year span.
With each injury, my exercise routine came to a screeching halt for months, sometimes years as the healing took place; and the pounds added on. I fought through each one, losing a little, but it was a hard fight. Then the next injury happened and once again, my weight began to inch up and up.
At one point, in the mid 90’s I did reach my ideal weight and felt fantastic; but soon came another injury and the pounds began to add up again.
I lost 15 pounds about ten years ago, and no matter what I tried, I stayed at that weight until last year.
Then, I decided I needed to up my game and really fought my way through the year with calorie counting and exercise. In 8 months time, I only lost 15 pounds, but gained them all back when responsibilities in November and December took up too much time and I had to stop walking for 5 weeks. Since then I have struggled to find the time and energy to get back into the exercise regimen.
I begin a determined schedule of walking, either on the ancient treadmill in the basement or using one of Leslie Sansone’s Walk at Home DVDs, but can maintain it for only a week or two before I either get sick and have to stop for a week, or I get injured somehow and have to stop until the injury heals.
When nothing seems to work, I start shopping around for a new weight-loss plan to try, hoping that it will be THE ONE. I have struggled to figure out which plan or idea was going to work for me, and have gotten myself so confused on what to do that I am drowning in advice.
Some suggest a strenuous cardio workout; while others say that a panting-out-of-breath workout is the wrong thing and a “determined pace” will work better. Some say 1200 calories while others say it should be upwards of 1800.
For the past two months I have been walking between 3 and 5 miles a day; 4, 5, 6 days a week depending on other responsibilities. I determined at the beginning of October that I was going to do this.
I have also gotten into lifting light weights to tone and build muscle but have problems with both arms and hands due to two of those afore-mentioned injuries and this tends to be problematic.
A couple years ago I found I was running out of clothes that fit and began to pray that the Lord would provide the extra money to get more; but felt He was telling me to lose the weight and wear what had been sitting in my closet for years.
But the endless struggles to do that made me wonder if I was understanding correctly. I began questioning whether I was SUPPOSE to lose weight, and started pleading for His help in this battle.
The beginning of October I prayed about it and decided that if I hadn’t lost any weight by the end of the year, I would take that as a sign that, for whatever reason, I was not suppose to lose the weight and would clean out my closet of all the smaller sized clothes.
By the end of November, the scales had not changed and Thanksgiving did not help.
I have been measuring and counting calories but, so far, the scales have not changed.
I am so discouraged. I know that my body is the Lord’s temple and that I am supposed to keep it healthy for Him; and am ashamed that I have not done that. I had someone say that being over weight was not an actual sin, but that it was a sign of weakness and over-indulgence; and that just made me feel worse.
I know that not always being careful of what I eat adds to the problem, but the injuries and illnesses, over which I have no control, are the reason for the inability to exercise and without exercise I am incapable of losing weight.
I am once again praying that the Lord will undertake this fight for me and show me exactly what it is I need to do and that He will make it work.
My apologies for such a downcast post, but I needed to vent and had nowhere else to do it.
© Drusilla Mott and https://drusillamott.wordpress.com, 2013