DEPRESSED AND STRUGGLING

I am struggling.

I feel lost and adrift on a sea of stress and uncertainty.

I feel a heavy weight of impending doom.

I have prayed for discernment to know whether this is the Lord preparing me for something, or if it is just an over-active imagination reacting to all that is happening in this country.

So far, I am still not sure what the answer is.

I am distressed and discouraged with the fact that my efforts to boost my health and lose weight have shown no change.

My weight battle has been a life-long fight that I have lost more than won; but the real problem began in the late 80’s when I suffered three serious injuries within a ten year span.

With each injury, my exercise routine came to a screeching halt for months, sometimes years as the healing took place; and the pounds added on. I fought through each one, losing a little, but it was a hard fight. Then the next injury happened and once again, my weight began to inch up and up.

At one point, in the mid 90’s I did reach my ideal weight and felt fantastic; but soon came another injury and the pounds began to add up again.

I lost 15 pounds about ten years ago, and no matter what I tried, I stayed at that weight until last year.

Then, I decided I needed to up my game and really fought my way through the year with calorie counting and exercise. In 8 months time, I only lost 15 pounds, but gained them all back when responsibilities in November and December took up too much time and I had to stop walking for 5 weeks. Since then I have struggled to find the time and energy to get back into the exercise regimen.

I begin a determined schedule of walking, either on the ancient treadmill in the basement or using one of Leslie Sansone’s Walk at Home DVDs, but can maintain it for only a week or two before I either get sick and have to stop for a week, or I get injured somehow and have to stop until the injury heals.

When nothing seems to work, I start shopping around for a new weight-loss plan to try, hoping that it will be THE ONE. I have struggled to figure out which plan or idea was going to work for me, and have gotten myself so confused on what to do that I am drowning in advice.

Some suggest a strenuous cardio workout; while others say that a panting-out-of-breath workout is the wrong thing and a “determined pace” will work better. Some say 1200 calories while others say it should be upwards of 1800.

For the past two months I have been walking between 3 and 5 miles a day; 4, 5, 6 days a week depending on other responsibilities. I determined at the beginning of October that I was going to do this.

I have also gotten into lifting light weights to tone and build muscle but have problems with both arms and hands due to two of those afore-mentioned injuries and this tends to be problematic.

A couple years ago I found I was running out of clothes that fit and began to pray that the Lord would provide the extra money to get more; but felt He was telling me to lose the weight and wear what had been sitting in my closet for years.

But the endless struggles to do that made me wonder if I was understanding correctly. I began questioning whether I was SUPPOSE to lose weight, and started pleading for His help in this battle.

The beginning of October I prayed about it and decided that if I hadn’t lost any weight by the end of the year, I would take that as a sign that, for whatever reason, I was not suppose to lose the weight and would clean out my closet of all the smaller sized clothes.

By the end of November, the scales had not changed and Thanksgiving did not help.

I have been measuring and counting calories but, so far, the scales have not changed.

I am so discouraged. I know that my body is the Lord’s temple and that I am supposed to keep it healthy for Him; and am ashamed that I have not done that. I had someone say that being over weight was not an actual sin, but that it was a sign of weakness and over-indulgence; and that just made me feel worse.

I know that not always being careful of what I eat adds to the problem, but the injuries and illnesses, over which I have no control, are the reason for the inability to exercise and without exercise I am incapable of losing weight.

I am once again praying that the Lord will undertake this fight for me and show me exactly what it is I need to do and that He will make it work.

My apologies for such a downcast post, but I needed to vent and had nowhere else to do it.

© Drusilla Mott and https://drusillamott.wordpress.com, 2013

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12 thoughts on “DEPRESSED AND STRUGGLING

  1. Hi Drusilla
    I could write a book! I am discouraged too but know that is not of the Lord. The accuser loves it when disappointment turns to discouragement, depression, and self abasement about my lack of control. For years I walked in victory but perceive I was prideful about my fitness. I do not make New Years resolutions but I do make commitments and “resolve” to turn this issue over to the Lord, seeking His direction, depending on Him.

    Prayers for God to encourage and strengthen you in the coming year…..

    Wing His Words,
    Pam

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    • Thank you Pam. I am with you on the commitments and resolve. A short while after I posted this, the scales showed a few notches downward, so I am taking that as a sign that this IS what I am suppose to do with the Lord’s help.

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  2. I understand where you are coming from Dru, I gained a lot of weight when I became disabled and could not walk almost at all for awhile, and truly have not been able to lose it. Perhaps you might ask around and see if there is someone who has lost weight that might be interested in trading you. I have been fortunate enough to have a church sister who lost a bit of weight and she gave me the opportunity to go through her clothes and pick out what I needed. Perhaps there is someone who is truly needy in your area! I wish I could say that I don’t get depressed over it, but I do. God bless you and I will keep you in my prayers and please do the same for me.

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  3. I will be praying for you dear sister. The Lord as your situation well in hand. The scale is not a measure of your sanctification because it cannot weigh the intentions of your heart. As for the world God has that well in hand as well. We are called to bring g power and love into our surroundings and I know that is something you have in abundance.

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    • Thank you Pastor J for your encouraging words. I know God has everything under control, but sometimes I just need reminding that I have not been left by the way-side. There are times when I feel deaf, dumb and blind to His will for certain parts of my life and I get frustrated at the time wasted trying to figure it out.

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      • I know what you mean sister. I often need reminding that God has my life in His hands and even if I don’t have it all figured out He does! It’s easy to forget when we face the circumstances of life that threaten to swallow us.

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  4. I’ve struggled with the same issues. My doctor had a poster on her door regarding weight loss, so I asked about it. She said the South Beach Diet and Paleo diet premise is helpful, and I’ve found this to be true. Google “insulin resistance.” This explains what is going on in your body. God will give you what you need, you can do this. You had no control over those accidents and injuries, but they developed your heart of compassion. This is a hard lesson to learn, we need to be thankful in ALL things. that God is working them together for good. Keep your eyes on Him, not the mirror or scale. When a negative thought intrudes, hold it captive and lay it at the cross, and confess what you know to be truth. Love you!

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    • Thank you Patti, so much, for those encouraging words. I will check “insulin resistance”. And you are right — I am learning through all the struggles, learning understanding and compassion for others with disabilities and injuries, learning to slow down and not be so impatient for results. That last one is hard, though. When I struggle through weeks of exercise and see no results, I get impatient and frustrated. Which is what prompted this post. And shortly after I posted it, I stepped on the scales and found it HAD inched downward, slightly. 🙂

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  5. When I was younger I could eat whatever and remained thin..then I had a baby and lets say I now fight the battle of the bulge as well. Ups and downs, illness’s and stress have all taken their toll. What keeps me motivated is to remember something from Anne of Green Gables – she was lamenting once again at something that had happened to her and she says, “I am in the depths of despair” and Mirella replies, “to despair is to turn your back on God”. Don’t despair, keep trusting God. Although I have not lost any more weight this past year I have not gained any either and the more I trust God the more self esteem I have regardless of my weight or whatever struggles I put upon myself. You are not alone – we all struggle with something about ourselves, I have learned the hard way to be who I am – by doing that I glorify God. Blessings ~

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    • Thank you Patty for the encouragement. I wondered at the time if I should post these thoughts, because I felt as if my faith was severely lacking in it. I regretted it as soon as I did and wanted to delete it; but then thought that if there was someone else out there that was struggling and feeling all alone in the struggle, maybe it would help to know that they were not alone. I have so many people in my life that have lost tremendous amounts of weight and I think that added to my frustration and my embarrassment. I could not help but wonder why they could lose so much and I was having such a difficult time. I felt alone in my struggle and realized there were other people out there that probably felt alone also. Finding these comments from all of you that are struggling also, makes me feel not so alone and hopeful that someone else will come along and be encouraged like I was.

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