SECOND CHANCES – Excerpt from Chapter 4

The following is an excerpt from my manuscript, part of the re-write that I have been trying to work on.  I got it written, but on reading it back, wondered if there is too much anger and nastiness for inspirational fiction.  I decided to share this portion with the hope that you would give me some honest feedback on whether it needs to be changed.  There are excerpts from the Prologue here and from Chapter One here.  If you haven’t already read it, the Chapter One excerpt will give you an idea about the anger and nastiness in this excerpt.

*  *  *  *  *

A short while later, she stood in the middle of the room, eyeing the new arrangement.  She turned in a circle, smiled and nodded at the cozy seating areas that she had made with a few strategic moves of chairs and tables.

The sound of the kitchen door opening had her turning in time to see Paul stop in the doorway.  She studied the curled lip and the derision that read clearly in his eyes.

“That didn’t take you long.”

“What’d you want me to do?  Set up a shrine in the corner where your recliner was?”

Shannon winced as soon as the words left her mouth.  No use in being snarky.

Red rushed up his neck at her question but he chose to ignore it and said instead, “You’re losing floor space, you know.”

She looked at him and shook her head.  That had been his reason for wanting all the furniture shoved back against the walls.  She ran her eyes over the room, really liking the new arrangement.  When she glanced back at him, she raised a brow in question; ignoring his attempt to make her feel stupid and inept.

“Did the room get smaller?  I guess I must have missed that.”  When he didn’t respond, both brows rose nearly to her hairline.  “Did you want something specific, or are you just here to be miserable?”

“I didn’t get the tools in the basement.”

Shannon waved a hand toward the basement door.

“Well, have at it.”  She watched him turn around and said, “And thanks for the reminder.  I’ll get to the hardware store later and change the locks on the doors.”

That got a reaction.

“You can’t lock me out.  This is still legally my house too.”

“You’ve moved out, why would you need to come in here?  If there is nothing left here of your’s, there’s no reason for you to come back here.”

“You can’t lock me out.”

“You already said that, but you still haven’t said why you’d need to be here.”

She watched the wheels turning and almost smiled at his thought process.  “To see Randy.”

“Randy is very rarely home.  If you want to see him, invite him to supper.”

The red returned to his face, then quickly changed to purple.

“You try to keep me out, I’ll sue.”

That made her laugh.

“Seriously? You’ll sue?”  She shook her head.  “And how do you think that’ll make Randy feel about you?  You’ve already done enough damage to his feelings for you, don’t make it worse.”

“Don’t do anything to turn him against me.”

“I haven’t done anything.  You’ve done a good enough job all on your own.”

He took a step toward her, face a mottled purple.

Shannon refused to back down, raised her chin.

“Take another step, and it’ll be you on the wrong side of the law.  And with Joe as a witness to your last threatening move, you wouldn’t have a leg to stand on.”

At her words, he stopped, curling his lip in contempt.

“So, you’re still robbing the cradle, huh?”

“I would have thought, considering Kelly’s age, you would not be the one to bring that up.”

He couldn’t quite cover his surprise at her statement, but it was quickly replaced by more contempt.

“Getting so cozy with Joe that you’re trading personal information?”

“Get your thoughts out of the gutter, Paul.  He told me how old she was the night of our confrontation.  So don’t try to shove your lack of moral standards onto me.  Contrary to the lies you and Kelly are spreading about me, I am not the one that has committed adultery.”

His head reared back and he opened his mouth to deny any involvement; then closed it again, looking like a fish out of water.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do.  But a word of caution … Randy has heard the lies, and has asked me about them.  If he finds out it was you behind them, he will probably never forgive you.”

“You’d tell him?”

And there was the admission.

She looked at him, filled with so much dislike and anger, she wanted to throttle him.  She swallowed hard and told herself it would serve no purpose to let fly at him.

“Paul, use some sense.  I hadn’t heard about the lies until he asked me about them.  If someone is going to be mean enough to repeat them to him, do you really think they would hesitate to tell him it was you and Kelly that started them in the first place?”

*  *  *  *  *

© Drusilla Mott and https://drusillamott.wordpress.com, 2012

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4 thoughts on “SECOND CHANCES – Excerpt from Chapter 4

  1. Morning Dru
    Yes – anger – bitterness and snarky-ness!
    But you said it all when you wrote: “Shannon winced as soon as the words left her mouth”
    How many times do we regret after yucky words are spoken aloud?
    Unfortunately, this is life and a story would not be a story without a beginning, a middle and an end
    This is just my humble opinion but I think great writing tells the truth – we see it in the Bible too
    God Bless and keep going!
    susie

    Like

  2. Lots of drama and subtle anger. No shouting or cussing. Very interesting. I love it. But there is one glitch, I was not quite sure who said “No use in being snarky.”

    Thanks a lot for sharing, Drusilla

    Like

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