Back in October when I was contacted to write for ChristianBlessings, I felt an overwhelming sense of joy at the prospect of using my writing to reach people from around the world for God’s kingdom.

It was an answer to a prayer that I have been praying for years.  I wrote an article for ChristianBlessings about that desire.

I settled into my new writing schedule with ease and anticipation; so full of ideas and words, I could not type fast enough.

And then I began to feel ill, so lost in a haze of confusion, I could not think straight, much less write all the articles I had envisioned writing.

Most of you know the story of my illness the week after Thanksgiving, and the initial outcome of those dark days.

I say initial because I felt twinges of pain and a sort of hardness at the spot of all that pain for days afterward.  I know some of you felt I should get to the doctor and make sure there was nothing really wrong.    I thank you for your counsel and concern.

I waited, continuing to pray for complete healing, knowing that there was no money and no insurance to pay a doctor bill, to say nothing of the lab work and tests that would most likely have been done.

Anyway, I suddenly noticed two weeks ago that there were no twinges of pain, no hardness, no anything left.

I have begun again to walk for 30 minutes at least three times a week, with the intent of building back up to the 45 minutes – 1 hour five times a week that I was doing last summer.

Praise God for His mercy!

I felt such an amazing closeness to my Lord during those dark hours of illness; as if I were actually wrapped in His loving arms.

I felt such a deep sense of blessing and encouragement and knew His reassurance that all would be well.

Now, my mind is clearer and more focused than I remember it being in a long time.

But, because of that, I am also feeling an overwhelming need to get back on track; to get posts written that will reach people for Him.

I feel as if He is telling me that time is short and that I need to be doing all I can to fulfill His will for my life.

Two weeks ago I wrote a post about Bruce Wilkinson’s book “The Prayer of Jabez” because I had such a strong leading that I needed to read the book again and to share it with others.

I felt a sense of urgency that I need to be about my Father’s business, accomplishing His will for my life.

I also felt an overwhelming concern for all those that would be lost if they died today.

God was placing His concern for them into me, pushing me to step out and pray Jabez’s prayer so that He can work through me to reach them; beyond what I am doing today.

But even with all of that, my mind remained a blank for days as far as writing for ChristianBlessings.

I was stumped.

I continued to pray, getting a little desperate for something to write about because I did not want to fall back on my commitment.

Nothing.  Not a word – not even an idea.

Last Thursday, I threw myself on God’s mercy and pleaded with Him to show me why I had nothing to write about if He wanted me to write.

And then He showed me that my heart was not right.  And as long as my heart was not right, I could not help others.

I swallowed hard and asked for Him to show me what was not right.  And He did.

Mid-December I re-posted an article called What We Give To God, not thinking that I was still struggling with the issues discussed there.

But God, in His loving mercy, showed me that my heart was not completely where He wanted it to be as far as the things that were continuing to happen in my life.

I was still angry and hurt over treatment I was receiving from certain people, over lies and slander to my character.  I resented the fact that they could lie to me and about me, yet expect me to be there when they needed something.

The deception and treachery goes much deeper than I am willing to disclose here and my anger was nearing rage at times.  I could not stand to see them or to talk to them I was feeling so betrayed.

I knew in my heart that I was to forgive them, even when it was an ongoing, non-stop assault on my character and my witness for the Lord.  I prayed for the Lord to show me what to do, and asked for help forgiving them.  And I thought I had.

I would hand it to the Lord to handle, think I was forgiving and letting it go; but then something new would come to my attention that dragged me back down into that darkness once again.  But I still thought my anger was justified, and that I could forgive even while I was angry.

What I was having a problem with was questioning whether I still needed to be welcoming to them when they were in my home, and whether I needed to do all the things I used to do for them.

I dug in my heels and decided that I did not need to be used and abused while they continued to tarnish my reputation with their lies.  I refused to do all the little things I used to do for them and I resorted to going to a different room when they came, and would not talk to them while they were around.

So, fast-forward to last week when the Lord showed me where I was wrong.

He led me to see that my reposting of What We Give To God was not just a fluke, but that I was supposed to see it and remember what I wrote there.  He made me see that I was still not forgiving, still not letting go.

Then He led me to Matthew 6:43-48, and showed me that turning my back on them was going against Jesus’ instructions.  My eyes and heart were opened and I pleaded for forgiveness.

Within an hour, ideas and words were flooding my mind for things to write and share.

Praise God for His love and grace!

P.S.   As I sit here and write this, I realize that my confusion and feeling unwell, my inability to write anything to help others,  started shortly after I decided to shut them out and ignore them.  I am not implying anything here, just wondering about the timing.

© Drusilla Mott and, 2012

Even as I was preparing this post, I came across these posts that convicted my heart:

Bernadette @My Journey With God : I Am Ready and Don’t Let the Devil Invade Your Thoughts

Debbie @ Two Minutes of Grace: How to Conquer the World and A Plate of Hate

Wayne Augden

Susie @STPT2011:  Courage Baby

Jeanne @ Women’s Window: Are You Just Going to Sit There?



  1. Morning Druscilla
    First of all, thank you for mentioning my writing: Courage, Baby
    I feel exactly like you said when you wrote: I feel as if He is telling me that time is short and that I need to be doing all I can to fulfill His will for my life.
    Truly, that line – well – feeling those exact sentiments led me to writing my blog
    I feel your illness (in part) and your writiers block was definately the work of the evil one.
    Anytime we work for our Lord – the evil one will begin attacking – thats when we need to fight back with the Word!
    Of course forgiveness is tough for us all but we end up suffering from the anger, bitterness and resentment
    As you know, when we turn every little thing over to God – He will begin His work in our lives.
    I will continue to pray for you and your new writings for Christian Blessings
    FEAR NOT – that’s my motto this year
    God Bless


  2. Morning I just wanted to share with you a beautiful prayer given to me by a dearly departed family member – I pray this protection prayer every morning

    Prayer of Protection
    Prayer of Protection: (prayer given to me by dearly loved family member)

    Gracious Father

    We put on the full armor of God.

    The belt of truth to keep us honest.

    Breast plate of righteousness to protect our heart, our soul, our spirit and our body.

    Put on the sandals of peace to protect our feet, please let our steps be the steps you want us to take.

    Take up the shield of faith to protect us from the fiery arrows of satan.

    The helmet of salvation to protect our mind, our brain, our thoughts, let our thoughts be thoughts from You.

    Take up the sword of the Spirit to do warfare for you and we do that, Father, we rebuke, bind and cast out satan in the name of Jesus Christ.

    All devils, demons, principalities, powers, wickedness, rulers in high places, strongholds, anything of the evil one we rebuke, bind and cast out to your feet, Father, to deal with as You see fit.

    Spirit of fear; get out in the name of Jesus

    Spirit of worry; get out in the name of Jesus

    Spirit of confusion; get out in the name of Jesus

    Spirit of deception; get out in the name of Jesus

    Spirit of anger, resentment and bitterness; get out in the name of Jesus

    Spirit of illness; get out in the name of Jesus

    Father, God Jehovah, we put this hedge of protection around, ________, all of our extended families, friends and petitions and plead the blood of Jesus and ask your Holy Spirit to protect us, guide us and direct us in your perfect will.


  3. Wow, this was awesome Drusilla. Very good and very touching. An excellent reminder to me to forgive and treat all people well. That is a struggle way to often at times.
    Thank you for this post, I hope many read and heed.


    • Thank you Greg. It was a lesson well learned for myself; and I can look back and thank Him for the trials and illness and all the rest because I feel ever so much closer to Him because of it all. We surely serve an awesome God!


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