ILLNESS AND A FIGHT IN THE DARK

First of all, I was nominated last week by Wayne Augden for the Versatile Blogger Award.  If you will all forgive me, I am just going to give Wayne my heartfelt thanks, but not carry through with the rest of the process.  The rest of this blog will explain why.

For all of you that may have wondered about my absence from your posts, I have decided to share with you about my health the last few weeks.

As I told you last week, the first few weeks in November, I felt tired, run down; with headaches and problems focusing on what I was doing.  I explained that was why my comments to your posts were almost non-existent for a while.

I actually felt like I was reading a foreign language at times, one that I had never learned.  I was finally reduced down to skimming through the posts and then filing them without commenting.

Some of you already know that I did not feel well on Thanksgiving. The feeling got progressively worse as time went on. I still am not sure what was wrong. I was told there was a stomach bug going around, but am not sure, with all that I was feeling, if that was it or not.

I woke up the Sunday after Thanksgiving with feelings like indigestion: nausea, pain, that kind of thing. Then it went into feeling like I had a basketball beneath my ribs. By Sunday night, I had a great tightness and chest pain with sharp pains that went up into both sides of my neck.

This made me think it was a heart attack. I began to pray that the Lord would not let me have a heart attack, that He would put His hand on me and make my heart okay.

I reminded Him that I did not have health insurance and we could not afford huge hospital bills. I reminded Him that He had kept me safe and healthy all this time and asked that He continue. And I promised that if He would let my heart be okay, I would really begin to take action on my weight and health.

I have felt for some weeks that I really needed to do something about the weight that I have gained, but just never seemed to find the time for exercise. I had been walking on the treadmill during the summer and then things just started happening to keep me from continuing.

Those months of walking/running had helped me lose 10 pounds – which I immediately gained back within days of not walking. I had been feeling so weighed down and heavy, like I was carrying a ton of weight around my torso.

It made me realize I really needed to do something to take control of the situation. I began walking again about three weeks ago. Not like I had been – which had been built up to walking/jogging for 45 minutes to 1 hour each day.

I was basically starting over, but I felt so much better afterward.

Anyway, this thinking and praying about a heart attack happened late Sunday night–just the illness and excruciating pain with me and God in the darkness. As I prayed, I began to feel His reassurance and love fill me and then the pain began to ease from my chest. I could feel His directions on the changes that I needed to make in my daily life, starting with the food I ate. I felt peace settle in and I drifted off to sleep, assured that He was in control.

I thought we had come to an “agreement” but during the night, the pain started worsening and working lower, until Monday afternoon when it seemed to have settled in the lower right part of my abdomen.

This of course made me wonder about my appendix. The pain was like I was being torn apart, taking my breath away with the sharpness of it. I looked up online and found that quite often problems with the appendix started with pain at the stomach, which was near where it had started.

So Tuesday night, I began again to pray about this new possibility; praying and reminding and pleading for His healing. Suddenly Matthew 17:20 came into my head and so I reminded Him of His promise that if I had just a little faith, I could move mountains — nothing would be impossible.

Immediately the question came into my head, “But wasn’t that just for the disciples?” I don’t know where the question came from, but I felt like I was being challenged.  I said, “I am claiming that promise for myself” and I began to bind the pain and the illness and demand in Jesus’s name that it leave my body.

I have not prayed like that very often before. I have always prayed that He would undertake and heal and work things out. But that night I felt I needed to pray myself to bind up whatever was wrong and take control of it. I felt like I was in a battle over it, and once again it was just the illness and excruciating pain with me and God in the darkness fighting for my well-being.

I felt the pain ease, and clung to His promises. A little while later, there was more pain, and I cried out about His promises, and the pain went. I woke up in the morning with extreme tenderness, and a sharp pain if I moved wrong and pulled that area; but no more excruciating pain like I was being torn apart.

Today I still have slight pain in that one area, but almost feel back to normal.

I remember asking God in those dark hours of the night, why He was allowing it to continue when I felt sure He had promised healing. I feel His answer was that I needed to remember it, to have it etched in my heart as a reminder to take care of myself. And if it had been for a shorter period, or had been less severe, I probably would have forgotten and gone back to my old habits eventually.

Going through this experience was terrible. I have never felt so sick nor felt so much pain; but being this side of it has me feeling so blessed and strengthened.

As bad as it was, I thank God for it.  I sat in church yesterday morning, feeling like I was an entirely different person in the Lord than before I got sick.   I have never felt as close to Him as I did during those dark hours, and I have resolved to do everything necessary to keep it that way.

I am also now determined to buckle down and really take control of my health.  I will keep you updated on my progress and ask that you be my support network and hold me accountable for it.

© Drusilla Mott and https://drusillamott.wordpress.com, 2011

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19 thoughts on “ILLNESS AND A FIGHT IN THE DARK

  1. Drusilla, take the changes to your health one day at a time and one step at a time and God will get you where you need to be. On the practical side of things, I know you don’t have health insurance, but maybe you can just go to a local doctor to be sure you don’t have an elevated white count from an infection or anything even after feeling better. I will spare you the 1001 things I can imagine could be happening right now, but God did invent doctors and medicine for a reason, too. Have you been running a fever at all?

    Nancy

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  2. Praying for your continued healing, Drusilla. While I agree whole-heartedly with your assessment of God’s healing ability, Nancy is right to encourage you to take advantage of the wisdom of professionals. Remember, the same God who heals, handles our finances as well. Don’t take any chances, if this persists. God bless, good friend.

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  3. Hi Dru as I said on my blog, I’m so pleased your feeling well again, it just was not the same without your smile and I missed your encouragement as I’m sure others did too, and like me were no doubt worried if everything was ok . After you told me you were sick when I woke up a morning or two later and was praying for you again, I thought perhaps I should ask others to pray too, I was going to ask our Blogging friends but then you were ok again Thank you again for your honesty in sharing what you went through and the victory you had with your prayer.

    Christian Love Annie

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  4. Drusilla, I’m sorry to read that you have been going through a great deal of suffering with your health. I am inspired by your commitment to turn to the Lord first each time you experienced pain. I am going to pray right now for strength, guidance, and healing for you.

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    • Thank you Mel, for the compliment and the prayers. I didn’t really write much when I was at the worst part. Mostly I slept on the couch or in bed, cuddled with my kitties. (they didn’t like it when I started feeling better because I stopped laying down with them – so they followed me around and meowed at me)

      As far as my writing – most of the time, I just write what the Lord puts in my mind. They normally are not my words, but His. And when I get done, I pray for a very clear leading on whether it is the way He wants it posted; if not, I wait to post until I feel He is telling me to put it in here. That helps. 🙂

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  5. Pingback: Breakthrough Update | Drusilla Mott

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