A few months ago I received an email from a Christian friend that had been helping me work through some problems I was having.
This friend knew that I was struggling with some major things in my life, and had given me a place to vent my frustration and anger while helping me sort through what my response should be to the situation.
My friend had been praying about the situation with me, and keeping in touch through emails that were helpful, insightful and encouraging.
This particular email touched a responsive chord in me that eventually led me to an answer from God on what I should be doing.
This is the email that I received:
“You know how you start out with one thought and you end up in another place, but then you follow the thought back to the first thought to see how you arrived there…well that happened very quickly this morning and it came to this:
HE never gives us more then we can handle. Also I know that HE is faithful in ALL things, and I believe it is not what HE puts on the table before us that tests our faith; it is what we do not put on the table before HIM that is our weakness.
That’s it…somehow I thought you ought to know.”
As I read those words, I knew there was a message in there for me. As I tried to process it, I prayed that God would show me clearly exactly what I was supposed to be learning from it.
I firmly believe that things happen for a reason, and I believed that what this friend was telling me was something I needed to hear.
I was at a crossroads, and was having trouble figuring out which direction God was telling me to go. I was struggling with personal issues that were causing a great deal of anger and distress.
I wanted to defend myself against the attacks that I had endured.
I wanted to lash out and get back at those that had spread lies about me in an attempt to cover up what they themselves were doing.
I wanted an admission of their guilt and an apology for hurting me and my reputation.
I thought about my friend’s words for days, trying to find their meaning. And then one night I was sitting in bed and it was as if God suddenly opened my mind to what He wanted me to know.
He brought to mind my anger and bitterness over these hurts, when people close to me had deliberately set out to hurt and humiliate me by spreading lies and unfounded accusations.
I knew in my mind that I should let go of the negative emotions, but I was afraid to.
And that was my weakness.
I was not ‘putting on the table in front of Him’ the pain and anger and bitterness. I was afraid that if I let it go, I would be more vulnerable to being hurt again. I was holding onto it as protection, instead of trusting Him for protection.
I was not abiding in Him and being peaceful during the abiding.
One of my favorite movies is “Fireproof”. One of my favorite songs is “While I’m Waiting” from that movie. It is basically about serving, worshiping, and living for God while waiting for Him to work His will.
The words to that song showed me what I was supposed to do … live for God while I waited for Him to take care of the other stuff. But like I said, I wanted to hang onto my ‘defense’ as tightly as possible.
As these thoughts ran through my mind, I could feel the Lord’s presence there next to me, talking to my heart; and I could see clearly what He was trying to tell me.
I was reminded of Jesus not answering His accusers, but being silent, committing Himself to God. I felt the Lord’s nudging of my heart and mind to follow His example.
I needed to sacrifice my needs and desires the same way Jesus sacrificed himself for us on that cross, to let go of my own selfish agenda, to forget about admissions of guilt and apologies. I needed to put first the needs of the very people that were hurting me. I needed to pray for them and to let go of my anger and bitterness, thus letting God love them through me.
And then I saw that if each one of us could do that, what a world we would have! There would be no more adultery and divorce, there would be no more rape and murder and all the other crimes humans commit against each other.
He also showed me, that if I would just let go and let Him deal with things; if I would abide in Him and let Him fill me with His peace while I waited for Him to work things out, I would be happier and healthier.
Question: Are you holding on to things that God wants you to give over to Him?
© Drusilla Mott and https://drusillamott.wordpress.com, 2011